Why Amateur Play Is 80 Percent Fun and 20 Percent Arguing About Physics
Pickleball is the fastest-growing sport in America and, judging by the decibel level at your local rec center, also the loudest. Not because of the paddles or the wiffle-ball pop, but because of the chorus of players yelling, “OUT!” “IN!” “NO WAY THAT WAS OUT!”—followed by an impromptu courtroom drama staged at the kitchen line.
Instant Replay, Minus the Replay
At the professional level they have cameras, refs, and slow-motion replay. At the amateur level we have Jerry, who needs bifocals but refuses to wear them because “they mess with his depth perception.” Jerry will call your laser-perfect dink out from 30 feet away with all the confidence of a Supreme Court justice.
Meanwhile, you—standing three feet from the bounce—saw the ball hit a molecule of paint. But Jerry is already pocketing the ball like he’s returning stolen property.
The Physics of Denial
Here’s the unspoken law of community pickleball:
every ball that lands near the line was “clearly” whatever benefits the person making the call.
The human eye cannot resolve a plastic ball traveling at 50 mph, but our egos can. A questionable call triggers the brain’s “protect the rally” reflex, flooding us with righteousness. It’s why mild-mannered retirees suddenly argue like lawyers defending a billion-dollar merger.
Someone inevitably invokes “the sound.” Apparently, if the bounce sounded in, it must have been. Scientists haven’t verified this, but pickleball players swear by acoustic theology.
The Committee of Experts
When a close call occurs, the game halts and the inquisition begins.
- Player A: “It was in.”
- Player B: “It was clearly out.”
- Player C (who was tying a shoe): “I think it was long, but don’t quote me.”
- Player D: “Let’s replay it.”
- Player A again: “No replay—we won that point.”
Five minutes later, everyone agrees to disagree, and the next serve sails into the net.
The Gospel of “Benefit of the Doubt”
Every club preaches this commandment: If it’s close, the call goes to the opponent. It’s beautiful in theory, like the Golden Rule. In practice, it’s treated more like a suggestion carved in erasable pencil.
You’ll hear someone announce, “Let’s be fair—your ball was probably in,” immediately followed by, “But let’s just replay it, because, you know… hard to tell.” Translation: I’m magnanimous, but I’m not giving up the point.
Advanced Excuses for Dubious Calls
- The Shadow Defense: “It was in the shadow, so technically out.”
- The Optical Illusion: “The ball curved out at the last second—must’ve been the wind.” (Indoors.)
- The Philosophical: “If you really think about it, what even is ‘in’?”
- The Pre-Call: Shouting “OUT!” before the bounce, to make the universe comply.
Pickleball Courtroom Drama
No other sport turns neighbors into litigators faster. “Objection, your honor, my partner’s call stands.” “Overruled! The replay clause of Section 4B of the USA Pickleball Rulebook clearly states—” Nobody has actually read Section 4B, but citing it sounds authoritative.
Occasionally a self-appointed mediator steps in: “Guys, remember, we’re all friends here.” This saintly soul is instantly punished by a drive shot to the ankle on the next rally.
The Mirage of Fairness
Here’s the real reason everyone argues: pickleball is democratic. There’s no referee, no hierarchy, just a shared illusion that we’re capable of objectivity. The truth is, we all cheat a little—accidentally. Our brains rewrite history mid-rally. We see what we want to see, especially when the score is 10-9.
So we debate, replay, and eventually move on—until the very next point, when it happens again.
Why We Keep Coming Back
For all the melodrama, we love it. The absurdity is part of the charm. Every “in or out” argument is really a sign that people care. It’s the adult version of playground rules: loud, petty, but joyful.
Pickleball isn’t about perfect calls—it’s about imperfect people trying to find common ground between the lines. Sometimes we succeed; sometimes we just yell louder.
Why This Matters
Because in pickleball, as in life, everyone swears they saw the truth with their own eyes. And sometimes the only way to keep the game going is to smile, say “good shot,” and serve again.
Disclaimer:
The views expressed in this post are opinions of the author for humor and commentary. Any resemblance to John Carter from Mars is completely intentional.
